I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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