hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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