Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
