What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
