just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
