you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
