I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
