Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize