Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are a booty call, not a friend.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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