a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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