My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
