It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
