So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize