my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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