Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
