She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize