I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
