just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
