How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
