the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
