She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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