I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize