I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize