the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
