I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
