Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
