I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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