Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
