K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize