If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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