The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize