I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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