please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
