But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
