hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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