I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
