I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
