Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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