...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
