He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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