i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
