No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
