oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
