I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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