It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
