dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
