no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
