I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
