omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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