I don't think brook has ever known best
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
