We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
BRING THE BAGELS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
