Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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