i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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