I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
