Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
