you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
