Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
