did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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