Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
