my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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