I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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