My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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