Just fell off a train. Bad.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
