I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
