If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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