I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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