I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
