are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
