whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
